Buried Memories

It’s amazing how one thing can bring back bad memories.

I went up two sizes, no wait, three sizes over the pandemic period and I like it… for the most part. I’ll talk about that later though. Anyway, so I needed new clothes, jeans in particular.

I wanted to buy things that fit my look and vibe so I got high waisted wide legged jeans. I had many fails with amazon and I gave up and went to New Look. So I got two jeans from New Look, they both fit me booty and tummy wise but the first is a little long the second ones I got so insecure about.

Why?

When I was in secondary school my mom would buy me trousers that would fit my waist. Clothes in the UK are not made with black people in mind and so trousers that fit me would always be too short and a little tight around the booty.

Looking back the trousers weren’t too short but they showed too much ankle for this one girl in my school. She then started bullying me because of my trousers, yes you read that right, she bullied me for my trousers.

Looking back it was stupid, who does that?

She would call me names and I felt so bad about it.

Thus the next time we went to buy uniforms I got my mom to buy me trousers that fit my legs. That meant they were loose at the waist/hips but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to leave me alone and she did…and from then on I’ve always worn trousers that are a little long, as in past my feet and hitting the floor.

I thought I was over that school episode but when I got those jeans the feelings came rushing back. I wanted to return them but I really loved them and I got the feeling it was in my head.

So I asked my mom’s opinion (she’s always honest) and my friend’s and they both said they were fine. I would wear them when meeting up with my other friends and they said nothing.

That’s when I knew for sure, it was in my head. The bad memory from school had taken root in ways I hadn’t noticed for years.

It got me thinking about bullying and how it can scar a person.

Honestly I hate bullies. Yeah most of them need help but they’re the one group of people I have a hard time feeling sympathy for… the only time I do is if they change. But man, when I see kids being mean these days I just want to protect the victim before trying to reach the bully because I know how much bullying hurts.

To end on a positive note I refuse to let my past drag me down so I shall continue wearing the jeans because they’re amazing, comfortable, fit me and have great pockets!

Honestly… the pockets are so useful and spacious…

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