Don’t doubt yourself

I thought I was a pretty self confident person. I know what I like, I know who I like and I have an opinion on everything.

I used to want to be a lawyer because I was so good at arguing, especially when I thought I was right.

So you would think that I never doubt myself or that I am always confident and sure of who I am as a person.

This summer highlighted for me the holes in my personality or in my confidence.

I tried to be something I am not. I deviated from my path and from my choice in life because I wanted to know what it was like to be like everyone else. I was so sick of being the odd one out and being different. I just wanted to be “normal” to give in and join the crowd.

I lost myself in that crowd. I don’t blame the crowd I blame myself because I let myself get lost.

It took me a while to realise I was lost and when I did it was like my world was falling apart. I had to find myself again and it was hard and it was painful. It was even more painful to look back on my choices and the way I behaved.

Who was that? Who was that girl?

I may be a lot of things. I may be stubborn, argumentative, a little blunt and I may be a perfectionist in everything I do. I may want to do everything right and I may hate getting things wrong. I may be dense in some areas and if someone wants to open my eyes to something then cool.

But I am never going to let go of who I am again. God made me me for a reason and I am never going to doubt that again.

There is nothing wrong with learning new things and seeing things from a different angle and hearing what other people have to say. I encourage that actually, that is how you grow.

But losing yourself to fit in with others, with the world? I wouldn’t advise it. It’s not worth it. You are unique and wonderful and embrace that, don’t be ashamed of it as I was.

A lesson learned, a lesson shared.

That is all,

murabeho

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