Okay, as a christian and a Seventh Day Adventist I think we have a problem. We don’t know how to talk about sex.
Sex has become this dirty, taboo subject that no one wants to touch upon.
One reason could be the world and how sex has been tainted. The porn industry and sexual immortality has made sex into this dirty thing. When you think of sex you don’t think of the beauty of it or of the holy union between and man and wife, no you think about what the sex industry has made it or what players have made it. You know players who can’t keep it in their pants, who can’t settle or commit.
Another reason could be the way older generations tainted it for themselves. People like to pretend like back in the 1800s people were so kosher. Okay so they were, most of them didn’t have sex until they were married and if they did have sex before then they were shunned and shamed, especially women… in fact only women. You rarely hear about men getting shamed for not waiting.
But when you look at the Victorians you realise they were freaky. They got down, and they got down a lot, they were just better at hiding it. Even when you look at ancient history, like Ancient Greece or Ancient Rome you realise that yes they had sex and yes some was out of wedlock.
So sex, in the olden days, became this thing that was taboo to talk about and impolite to say out loud. It became something that was shameful and wrong. Even married couples would talk about in double entendres. I mean have you seen old black and white movies? They wouldn’t even kiss heatedly.
Because we had those views and because we used to treat sex like this big secret that only married people were allowed to know about we can’t talk about it with the young and single people in the church today.
Now don’t get me wrong I believe in waiting, but I’m trying to highlight why we have a roadblock in our minds when it comes to sex and talking about it.
You might think that you don’t need to talk about it with the young people of your church but you do! Because if they don’t learn it from you they will learn it from somewhere else. Who would you rather they got their education from?
My mother is honest and I’m lucky in that I can ask her about the scientific facts and the emotional facts. However I can’t talk to her candidly because she’s old fashioned and as you grow up you have sooo many questions and my generation is different from hers. I wish we could have a more open discussion but I am thankful that she did give me advice when we first had The Talk.
I am also thankful that my church was not afraid to have relationship days where they would talk about it and what it meant. It was there that I learnt for the first time that sex is not a bad thing, it’s a holy institution. Sex is something that was there before sin and God created it as a gift to man. In the institution of marriage sex is a beautiful thing and is by no means bad.
I mean sex creates life. Think about it.
I never used to understand why sex wasn’t allowed outside of marriage. I used to think that hey if they’re engaged it’s alright… right? They’re going to get married.
Sex, however, is not just holy. You give a part of yourself to that person. It bonds you. It is powerful and I am one of those people who would get attached and just give my all to him. Now my teacher in sixth form was super excited because her best friend was going to get married. Fast forward and we ask her how was the wedding. She was like “Awful, he cancelled it a week before it was supposed to happen because he didn’t feel like marrying her”… what? I’ve even heard of a guy who waited 2 years until his girl finally gave in and let him get some (she thought they’d get married) when he got some he left!
I know this is not what always happens but I don’t want to give myself to someone only to have them leave. Can you imagine how much that would hurt? God doesn’t just come up with these rules to spite us. He knows how much it means, He knows how special it is and He knows people like me exist who cannot separate their heart from sex. His rule protects me and my heart.
His rule also protects me from STDs. Let’s be real, not every guy is honest.
Another angle is by not talking about sex we miss out on great discussions like 1 Corinthians 7! Or Exodus 21: 10. In both passages sex is viewed as something that is selfless. Your body does not belong to you but your husband and his body does not belong to him but to you. You are to cater to him and he is to cater to you. Not force you or guilt you into it but cater to you. It’s supposed to be selfless.
By skipping out on talking about it you’re missing out on great lessons that you could be giving.
So please let’s talk about it, let’s be educated in it and in what the Bible says about it because the bible does have a lot to say on the matter. It’s fascinating actually. It also gives you an insight into what God thinks.
If done right it’s holy, it’s beautiful and it’s God approved.
That is all,