Okay, so recently I’ve been thinking, what is the point of marriage? I get it, it’s nice being with one person for the rest of your life. You feel the love, you get companionship and a partner in crime.
There is a part of me that wants those things.
However there is another part of me that is like, eh, is it worth it?
Marriage is hard y’all. I’m not going to jump into it with someone who doesn’t take it seriously. I feel like in the world today people see marriage as temporary. It’s not that serious, if I get bored of you I’ll get rid of you.
Actually that’s not fair, I think people have always been like that but in the olden days divorce was frowned upon so people would stay in an unhappy marriage instead of leaving.
Now I’m not saying people should stay in unhappy marriages but I have seen people divorce one another over problems that could be fixed, that could be worked on. Or they’ll marry someone and be surprised at their personality and I’m like but they showed that side of themselves to you before, did you think it was going to be moonlight and roses forever? Or they won’t listen or they won’t talk to one another. I think I’m guilty of this too, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself and then months later I tell you why I was mad. I’m working on that.
So marriage is work, it’s beautiful, but it doesn’t happen overnight. Those beautiful old couples you see, they had to work at it! They busted their asses for their spouses and they’ve got 60 years to show for it. It didn’t happen out of nowhere.
Also I don’t want to jump into it if I’m not sure you’re as in love with me as I am with you. All people want is the spark, they want fireworks. I don’t need that. Sure we need to click but if we click and I can talk to you, I’m attracted to you and spiritual it’s golden than yes, I’m happy. But some guys need more. Feeling like you’re not good enough is the worst feeling and it’s long and annoying.
Anyway so for those reasons I asked myself is marriage worth it? Is trying to find that person worth it?
You’re probably thinking, but Gift you can date until you’re ready for marriage.
Honestly I don’t want to waste my time dating. I have to meet a guy, get to know him, we like each other score, we date, two years pass, we hit a snag, it isn’t resolved so we break up and what am I left with? Two years of wasted time. And this is a nice scenario. Let’s face it sometimes you don’t even make it past the date. Sometimes you like a guy and he doesn’t like you and vice versa. It’s long!! Women go through so many guys before they find their husband (let’s not talk about the women who marry the first guy they date, they are blessed and just don’t understand the struggle).
So after another epic failure on my part I started to think and to think and to think.
What did I want? A husband. Why? I want a family, kids. Do you need a man for that? Yeah, well you deffo need his sperm. And I was talking to my mom and I was like what’s the point? The world is overpopulated. I don’t need to have kids of my own. I’ve always wanted to adopt and I can do that without a man.
I don’t need to get married. I don’t need to find someone. I’m fine on my own. Even on my own I’m not truly alone, I have great friends and family. If I truly am an independent woman why am I still searching?
So I’ve stopped. That’s right, I’ve stopped. I’m sparing myself nonsense and moving on with my life.
But I’m in my early 20’s and an auntie was like: “We need to find her a man cuz time is running out”. Pause. I’m young, what time are you talking about? And yeah I’d rather get married now than later but still how is time running out? But I responded “I’m not getting married”. Then I heard the B word, “You’ll end up bitter and alone”.
Why do we always assume someone who is single will end up bitter? If they’re happy being alone what’s wrong with that? Why is that the first thing that comes into peoples minds.
I think single people have their own problems, sure, but in a way they have less stress and are happier if they truly want and love being single.
Married people can have beautiful relationships that last forever but married people can also be bitter, stressed and unhappy.
Neither options are perfect in the end.
So I wish single people would leave married people alone and more importantly for me married or taken people would leave single people alone. Worry about yourselves. God will take care of me! If I get bitter He will slap some sense into me. (Yeah that’s right, I’m Christian [for those who don’t know]).
So for single ladies out there whatever your reasons, own it. If anyone makes you feel bad for being single remind them marriage isn’t perfect and everyone should have time alone to know themselves. And if they throw the bible at you just know that Jesus loves you whether you’re single, taken or married. You don’t need to get married, even in the new testament there are many passages talking about how, if you can handle it, it’s better to be single or you can be single/celibate if you so wish (Matthew 19:1-12 and 1 Corinthians 7).
That is all,
Ps: I miss the days of civilised arranged marriage. It saved time.
PPs: Even the thought of fooling around is annoying. I don’t I can do it with my personality, so when I say single I mean totally single but again I think it’s okay.