Hola, how have you been doing? I’ve been doing alright, there’s an update at the bottom of the page catching you up on me.

In addition to all that below I have been spending time with family and a LOT has happened within my family.

I started thinking about self-worth and identity and being a part of the African diaspora. It got deep y’all!

This blog post is about self-worth. I’ve noticed that we, in my family, teach women about their self-worth and what they should and shouldn’t take from a man (yes this will mostly be about relationships-there are many aspects to self-worth really… I’ll probably explore them all one day). But we don’t tell our boys the same thing.

I used to think it was because the men in our family did not need that talk. They were privileged in many ways. I mean in our culture they are the head of the family and when they do something wrong they aren’t punished as badly as a female who did the same thing is.

I noticed that from when I was young so I’d always fight against it. It was annoying! I made it my mission to empower the women in my family and my female friends and we have long discussions about relationships and self-worth and all that jazz.

But then I started talking to male family members recently and I realised. Hold on, why are they in this relationship? Why does he think he doesn’t deserve to be treated right? Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she can treat you that way.

It got me thinking, should I have been empowering the men in my family too?  Or at least teaching them what is toxic and what is not and what is manipulative behaviour and what is not. Should I have taught them to value themselves more?

The answer is yes. I wish I had talked to them about it more. I wish I realised sooner.

Yes the women in my family need it more but that doesn’t mean I should neglect the men.

It’s made me think about parenting too. When parents talk to girls they warn them about a lot of bad male behaviour. But when parents talk to boys they don’t do the same thing. They don’t warn them about toxic relationships or emotional manipulation or psychological manipulation. And yet men suffer from all these things too.

(Disclaimer: not all parents. I’m sure there are those out there who do warn their sons about those things)

In fact domestic abuse against men is very under reported because men feel ashamed to go to the authorities to report it. Because people react like, “But you’re a man how could she abuse you?” Or “You’re weak, you couldn’t even defend yourself.”

*sigh*

It’s sad that that is the response when a man reports abuse. Although, thankfully, it is getting better.

So my way of fighting this is to do better. Now that I’ve learnt I will pass my knowledge onto others so that more people can be helped. It’s sad that I didn’t notice sooner but hey someone can learn from my mistakes and do better. That is my hope anyway.

 

 

Update:

It has been a hot minute since I blogged on here. I’ve been taking a break from writing on here (wordpress) but I haven’t stopped writing. I’ve been focusing on my original stories and then editing my original stories. I’ve finished two books and planned out a third one. I would say I’m on a roll but it’s more I’ve been forcing myself to write more instead of procrastinating. Also I have been making YouTube videos. So feel free to check those out on Giftie Speaks YouTube edition!

To those who read this on Tumblr, I haven’t really been gone off here so hello again!