I can’t remember which book I first read this word in but wherever I read it, it has stuck with me forever, *wiggles eyebrows* frisson *in seductive French voice*.
Now frisson, as I understand it, is that feeling you get when you like someone. It’s the butterflies, the spark of electricity that goes through your body or the tingles in your fingertips.
You don’t just feel it when you have a crush but when you’re in love too. That’s how you’re supposed to tell if someone is the one for you or rather if you are physical attracted to them.
When you kiss or are physically intimate, frisson is what you feel when it’s with someone you like or love or are simply lusting after.
Here’s the thing, I’ve never felt it.
I’ve felt it when I read stories or when I hear stories of others but for myself and my relationships? No.
Wait, no that’s a lie. I did feel it for my crushes. The spark of eye contact or the spark when you brush hands or something. Yes, the kdrama/rom com spark of attraction. I’ve felt that but I think everyone has unless you’re aromantic or asexual… actually I have a question. If you’re asexual or aromantic, do you feel frisson? (Honestly asking)
However, I hope they don’t read this (they probably won’t), when I had my first kiss, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel a spark, I didn’t feel… anything.
It felt really clinical.
There’s this romance novelist that I like, Shelly Laurenston and her character Irene, in When He was Bad, I get her. I am like how she was in the first few chapters before she met Van Holtz.
After that experience (and we kissed more than once, still nothing) I began to doubt if frisson really existed. Is it something that has been made up by novelists and film makers?
After that relationship however, I did realise that I am demisexual. I honestly feel nothing without an emotional connection. However, even though I know that I still sit here like… but what if I never feel it? What if, it’s one of those things that I just won’t experience?
I’ve heard people enjoy holding hands… why? I get that it’s comforting but like seriously, why?
I even read articles about the science behind holding hands just so that I could understand it. I swear I am not a robot! I just don’t get it. Even when I read romance stories where couples hold hands I still feel nothing.
Hugs I get though, I love hugs. A good hug can turn a bad day into a good day. A good hug can set your whole week right. A good hug can make you feel again. I don’t get that electric buzz from a hug like frisson but more like a soothing warmth that reaches the soul.
At least I have that going for me.
But yes, that’s my question this week. Is frisson real or have I been lied to?
(I honestly almost contacted all my friends who are in relationships to ask, did you feel anything when you kissed your beau or was it just lips on lips?)