Society tells men that it is not ok to cry. Even when I was younger and thinking about my future boo *wiggles eyebrows* I remember wanting someone who was strong and manly. I equated manliness to not crying too much.
I’ve heard it said around me that it’s ok for a man to cry but if he cries too much he’s a wimp.
I don’t think that’s right because if a person doesn’t let out those emotions then they’re going to find other ways to come out. I can’t remember who but I remember this celebrity talking about how he only knew how to be angry as that was what he was taught and so when he tried to express other emotions, it was difficult.
I think this is even a problem for black women.
When we show emotion we are either seen as aggressive or hysterical (the hysterical part can apply to all women). So then we have to tread this line of not being aggressive but still expressing our displeasure in a calm way, which is really difficult.
Or we have to not show any weaknesses as when we do show them then we’re deemed as hysterical or unreasonable etc.
At least I’ve found that.
I used to think I was so strong because I did not cry, at all. From a young age until I was 22 I did not cry. I’m not even exaggerating for dramatic effect or anything, that is genuinely how I was.
I remember being upset about things and sitting in my room and trying to cry but like only tears would come out but tears I could count, like two or three drops. Then I would “get over it” and “move on”.
Then 22 happened and I went through a lot that year and the dam finally broke. Omd I cried a lot and I was so disappointed with myself. I remember thinking, “Why am I being so weak?!”
However once the dam breaks it’s hard to go back to the way things were. So I had to examine myself and deal with it. I actually went to therapy and that helped.
After picking up the pieces I realised, crying is a good thing. It’s cathartic. When you let those emotions out you feel so much better. The same goes for talking to someone but that’s a different topic.
Then of course with more people speaking up about mental health and self-care practises I’ve realised that that need I had to be strong and to always take care of myself, it was too much. I was dealing with a lot alone and no one is strong enough to deal with all their troubles alone.
Since I’ve realised that my life has been better. Since I’ve embraced crying as a good thing my life has improved.
I still hate crying in front of people however but at least I actually cry now. Sometimes you just need to take a small step to start the journey.
So you’re like how I was… let those tears out. It’s ok to cry.