With the pandemic people have been trying a lot of things, me included.

I wouldn’t say I’ve tried a lot of things more like I’ve tried one thing and improved another thing.

I’ve improved my cooking, I’ll probably talk about that sometime, and I have tried gardening.

In winter I got a Christmas cactus and I loved it. I’ve always wanted a cactus that flowers because they’re amazing and beautiful and low maintenance.

Then I got an orchid, a pink one, and it was so pretty and I definitely loved having it around and watching it bloom.

I named the cactus Chrissie and I named the orchid Ophelia.

At that time I was really feeling the winter blues and I did not want to get up that much in the morning. However, I would think, “The plants need sunlight!” So I would get up and open the curtains.

Looking after them gave me something to do, it gave me something to look forward to each day. Also, I heard that talking to plants helps them grow so I would also talk to them and encourage them and it was nice. It was therapeutic.

Every time a flower would bud and bloom it felt like a personal success, like I was receiving plant grandkids.

Then we moved house and that was stressful, trying to keep the plants safe as I transported them. Add in the fact that moving day was pure chaos, absolute chaos! I… honestly I can’t.

Chrissie did get a little battered but Ophelia made it through fine.

Then Spring came and more flowers appeared in shops. First I got a kalanchoe, then a white flower plant that I have forgotten the name of. The kalanchoe I named Betelgeuse after the star because the flowers were orange and I named the white one Ploom.

Since we’ve moved we have to start again with our flowers. I’m taking about the outdoor garden. We had a rose garden back at the old house but we had to leave it behind.

This new house has a bigger garden but it’s neat lawn and so no area for a flower bed unless we dig out a section. We’ve just moved and are not going to do that so my mom was like, “Let’s grow them in pots”. I was not into the idea but I thought, “Hey, why not?”

I started growing cosmos and osteospermum in my room from seeds.

I then also got a butterfly attracting pot from Sainsbury’s and also grew that from seeds.

Then I got another orchid and this one was white. It did not get a name.

Oh wait, before that I got another kalanchoe and this one was white and so I named it Rigel, to keep in the constellations theme.

At first the seedling growing process was just as rewarding as the early stages of taking care of Chrissie and Ophelia but I quickly ran into problems.

First it was these tiny fruit fly type bugs. I got rid of them. Then the seedlings started wilting and I thought “Is it because I’m giving them too much water?” I gave less and there was improvement, then they started wilting again and no matter what balance I gave them they still just failed, these are the cosmos’.

It was so disheartening to see them die. I had one that was so strong and doing so well and then the next day it was half the size and couldn’t stand up.

I wanted to give up honestly and I couldn’t be bothered to take care of them but my mom kept putting them by the window to get sunshine and so I decided to persevere.

In the end only one cosmos survived.

Weirdly the osteospermum never suffered too much. They were determined to survive and I think I only lost one or two and then another one didn’t get transplanted well. So three in total which isn’t bad. I had five more that are now successfully transplanted and growing well.

They haven’t flowered yet though.

Now the white orchid… it was a nightmare. The leaves died one by one until there was none left.

Perhaps I could have saved it. I watched so many videos on how to save orchids and to take care of them but I was done at that point.

The real kick in the teeth was Ploom. It was my consistent flower. It bloomed, the flowers wilted, I pruned them and it started to grow new leaves. I was satisfied.

Then one day it started dying. I was crushed!

Again, perhaps I could have saved it but I was so done at that point (the cosmos and white orchid had already died) that I just gave up and threw it away.

Then Ophelia, I still have her. I pruned her as she was done flowering and nothing much has happened since then. She lost like two or so leaves but they were the old ones. Compared to how the others turned out I can’t complain. No news is good news.

Chrissie isn’t flowering anymore and I thought it would die. As the instructions say once it stops flowering to throw it away. However I couldn’t do that as it looks green still and alive so I kept her.

She actually grew new leaves? I’m not sure if they’re leaves but she grew new ones and is content in her pot.

After all that and seeing my results I have decided I like kalanchoes and I like cacti.

So I got another cactus and my friend gave me the name Hattie Mae, so that’s her name.

I did prune Betelgeuse and Rigel, Betelgeuse perhaps a little too much but Rigel just the right amount and they seem to do be doing alright, I still have them.

So that brings us to the present and the title of my post. *sigh* I am a perfectionist and I have learned perfectionism is not as great as movies make it out to be.

It is stressful and long and if things don’t happen perfectly as you envisioned it’s so annoying and it makes me want to quit.

So gardening is a skill I don’t think I have. I need plants that are easy to take care of and house plants are not those plants! They need so much and even if you research and give it to them, they can still die.

Also you need money! I don’t have money for plant food and all that jazz and so I feel bad for them (to help me feed my plants check out my GoFundMe).

This relaxing hobby turned into a nightmare and the plants that gave me joy gave me sadness. So I’ve tried it and I’ve decided, nope! Not for me. I don’t need this stress.

To end on a positive note though, here are pictures of my successes.

The one cosmos that survived, Sasha.

The osteospermum:

The cosmos that I grew outside by just throwing seeds in a pot, Field of Fury.

The bee attracting pot by Sainsbury’s, again I just threw in seeds and stuck it outside:

These I did not grow from seeds, I got them from Sainsbury’s and just pruned them. They’re doing well. They don’t have names yet.

A rose bush I got from Sainsbury’s. Oh yeah! This is the second mini rose because the first one, Rosalita, dried up and died… yes died. But this one has survived so yay.