We’re not here for you!!

There are certain films where humans are not needed. These movies really don’t need a human storyline in fact a human storyline takes away from the fun of the movie.

What am I talking about?

Let me jump straight in to my examples.

Alien vs Predator

I don’t watch horror/thriller movies or anything gory but I watched this movie because I was intrigued by the premise.

Predator verses the aliens from the Alien franchise. It was very interesting premise. In a death match between these two death species who would win?

I was rooting for Predator because let’s be honest, they’re more interesting. They’re smart, cold and battle focused. They love the hunt! Imagine them having to hunt an extremely difficult prey and possibly losing.

I wanted to see how they’d handle such a difficult prey as the xenomorphs.  Are the xenomorphs even worthy opponents? I was looking forward to these questions being answered!

But alas, we spend half the movie with humans and the human character is the one who comes out on top.

I came for a fight between Aliens and Predators… where in the title did it say also verses humans? Like, why are you meddling?

I do love Sanaa Lathan though so I wasn’t too mad at her and I’m glad she’s the one who survives but the other human characters I couldn’t care less about like… why are you here?

It ruined the movie for me.

Transformers

This is probably the movie where I feel the strongest about this.

Listen, I came for the robots. I came for the Autobots and the Decepticons. I came to witness their age old battle and to find out who comes out on top!

They can even talk, have a rich history and emote… there was no need for humans in this story! They would have carried the film by themselves! Ironically… they ended up doing just that anyway.

If they based a movie on their home planet Cybertron and on what started the conflict between the Autobots and the Decepticons that would infinitely be more interesting than all the movies released so far (except the Bumblebee movie… that was good).

Side note: did you know the franchise started out as toys. They just made a story for toys. Is this a capitalism win because they created a really good story just to sell toys? Isn’t this how GI Joe started as well?

So, for Michael Bay’s (sneers) movies most people’s complaints are raised against the autonomous sentient robots whereas they are my favourite part of the movie.

What, you have to fight Megatron? What you must keep the all spark out his hands? Tell me more!

Sam’s whole storyline is less interesting than whatever Optimus has going on.

Then there’s the third movie and the fourth movie where they keep killing Autobots like… how very dare you?! They’re the only reason I am here!!

When Optimus was like, “F**k you humans”… honestly I was like, “Same, same! Forget them! Why are you helping them still fam?”

They introduced cool characters like Crosshairs and Drift and we focused on the humans? We focused on government bullshit? We focused on whatever family drama Mark Walberg’s character and his damsel daughter had going on?!

Every time I had to listen to them talk I gained a grey hair.

If they ever make Transformer movies again give them to directors like Travis Knight (basically anyone other than Michael Bay) because they know what they are doing.

Bumblebee was the correct balance of human and Autobot. They perfectly set up the Autobots coming to earth and explained better than anyone why Bumble came first and what the hell happened on Cybertron.

I get you probably have to have human characters to gain a wider audience but please… reduce their screentime.

Bonus: King Kong vs Godzilla

I was watching an honest trailer of this movie and that’s what triggered the idea for this post.

The biggest criticism I saw of this movie was that they focused on the human characters when no one came for them. People came to see King Kong and Godzilla fight and to see who would win in such a fight and that was all.

Hollywood get the hint.

Also, why is it that the human storylines in these movies are either really annoying or really shallow and uninteresting?

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