Ever since my third year of University I have felt like I hit some kind of midlife crisis. But I’m no where near 40 or 50 so how can I have a midlife crisis? This is what I thought.But then the more I thought on it the more sure I was that I was in a crisis… a quarter life crisis.
I had just hit my 20s and I was closer to 25 than I ever was before and so yeah quarter life crisis fit. But I’ve never been the type of person to be bummed out about aging.
People would always be scared of wrinkles and grey hair but from a young age I decided that I would age gracefully and accept it because black don’t crack. No I’m kidding but really I decided to age gracefully because what is age but a number that marks the amount of years we have lived?
Even though I thought that here I am freaking out.
At first it was because I was no longer a teenager, I was no longer young. But then when I thought about it it wasn’t because of the age but the change in title. I was no longer a teenager but an adult, when I met people younger than me their reaction to my age was different than when I was 19.
More is expected out of me. I am in my 20s! Can you believe that?
I am saying things I never thought I would say. Like “In my day our music was …” or “In my day our cartoons were the bomb, the ones you watch just pale in comparison” or “I’ve known you since you were a baby!” I seriously had this moment and I was mortified. I just said the thing that was always said to me. It’s happening!
Even worse I’m now an Auntie, for all those Africans out there you know what I mean.
So now all of a sudden I have to grow up and act like an adult. I have to find a job and get my life together but getting onto my path is hard. I just don’t where to start. And even though I’m fully an adult now (22 is knocking) I don’t feel like I am. I don’t feel different. Sure I feel a generational gap with kids nowadays but I, myself, don’t feel old. I just feel like me but the world is telling me I have to adult.
What is adulting? Doing taxes? Using big words in sentences and being above the youth?
Is it being a role model? Having my path straight?
I’m not where I want to be yet but I feel like I have to be and that’s scary.
But I was reading somewhere how the 20s is just the beginning, we still have our 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s to go. We have a lot of years ahead of us why are we in such a rush to “grow up” and be successful?
Sure we should work hard but why are we pushing to a point further than breaking point?
I feel like some of us are setting unrealistic goals for ourselves. We want to have a secure job and a family RIGHT NOW but those things take time to build. Plus we’re living longer now so you can start a family at 30 if you want to (I want to).
So I have surmised that I am going to enjoy my 20s, I am not going to rush or fret. I am going to take it one goal at a time. I want to drive, first let me get my license, I want to speak other languages, first let me learn them, I want to be a journalist, I have to start from the bottom.
Instead of rushing to have it all now, taking it one goal at a time seems like the best way to go.
I still feel the quarter life crisis. I still feel like life is crashing down on me in a big wave of adulthood but I’m pushing through that wave, one goal at a time.
Besides, if I remind myself of how lucky I am and how God has my back and how I’ve finished Uni when others are still slogging away at their course… if I remind myself of what I have achieved so far, it doesn’t look so bad.
This post is a bit of a deviation from my usual subject matter and tone but I thought I should share my thoughts and perhaps help someone along the way.