Old School Review: Troy

I can’t stand gore. This isn’t news. But I do love action movies and history. Troy combines those two elements and the battle gore is at a level that I can handle.

So it’s not historically accurate. I mean it’s based off the Iliad and the war actually took place over ten years and most of the events in the movie happened in the last year. Plus they missed out a pivotal character Obysseus. They also took great liberties with certain parts of the story.

However separating it from history and all the things it did wrong it is a good movie. The battle scenes were epic, the characters complex and the acting was phenomenal.

I loved it.

It even got me to hate Paris, Orlando Bloom’s character. I never thought such a day would come but he was so infuriating! He takes a woman who isn’t his when Hector told him not to do anything stupid, he brings war on Troy and he can’t even fight! And then he begs to be saved? Wimp! I am sorry but in those times if his family wasn’t so nice he would have been left out to dry.

Hector however was my true love. He was noble, he fought for his people even though he wanted peace and not war but he wasn’t going to leave them hanging like that. He was a loving husband and father. He was such a great warrior that even Achilles rated him. I was so sad when his character died. And how is it that Hector dies but Paris lives? That robot from Transformers was right, cowards survive.

And then there was Achilles. He was such a good warrior. I got happy watching his action sequence and then he finds love with Briseis and I was like yes! Get that ish! But the warning his mother gave him was still ringing my ears. It makes me so sad that Paris kills him whilst he’s saving Briseis. How rude. But that at the same time understandable as Achilles did kill Hector.

But why didn’t anyone kill Paris? Or attempt to? It was literally all his fault! Just cause he wanted to get with the hottest woman in Greece. Really Paris, really?

I am so done with him.

It’s a great re imaging of a well known historical event. I just hope that one day they’ll make a historically accurate movie that’s still as epic. It’s not so hard right? Right?

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