The concept of friendship has changed for me as I have grown up. When I was a kid it was very simple and very optimistic. A friend was someone I could play with, talk to and have fun with.

When I got to Primary School I learned that sincerity was key. There are people in this world who will say they’re your friend whilst stabbing you in the back. It’s sad but it happens. So I learned that not everyone who says they’re my friend is my friend. Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words.

With Secondary School I figured I had the friend thing down. I knew what I liked and who I got along with, especially after Year 8. I learned that I liked people who had a good sense of humour, who were kind and who allowed me to be myself, and I endeavoured to be the same to them. I made some really good friends in Secondary School that I still talk to now.

However after Secondary School I went to a different Sixth Form College, I could have stayed on at my Secondary School’s own Sixth Form College but I wanted something different and I also wanted to get used to being in a school with a lot of guys. My Secondary School was a girl’s school so our Sixth Form did not attract that many guys. I had become painfully shy and I thought, “No this is nonsense, how will I survive Uni?!” So I went to a school that had a good mix of boys and girls.

I loved my Sixth Form College, honestly it was my BEST schooling experience. I made a lot of cool friends, I had fun learning and I got to know myself a little. Plus there was some serious eye candy at the school.

Then Uni happened and I made friends at church and in some of the societies that I joined and with my housemates but to be honest I didn’t make as many life long friends as I did in College. I did a semester abroad and that was probably the best friend making experience I had in University, that and church.

And now here I am now, doing Masters (cries) and trying to make it in this adulting world.

Have you ever seen this saying or a variant of it?

I agree with this to an extent. I have friends who live very far away, like China and Australia and America and we still keep in touch and maintain a friendship. My beef is with the fact that some people use this for all friendships as an excuse. Like bruh if you live in the same city as me and can see me then why don’t you? If you’re genuinely not busy and can see other people then why can’t you see me? Sometimes you can live close to someone and feel like you’re in a different world. When that happens I question the friendship. Sure we may care for each other and share years of memories but could you pass the test of friendship?

The test being would they be able to answer police questions if I was murdered? Whenever I watch crime dramas they ask personal questions when they interview family members and close friends so that they can solve the crime and understand the victim and their world. They ask questions about the victim’s life and patterns of behaviour. If you can’t answer those simple questions then are you a friend? In fact I was watching Law and Order SVU and they were interviewing the victim’s close friend and co worker, but he could not answer the questions about her life, in fact the detectives knew more about her than he did and in the end they were like, “Were you even her friend?”

I know it’s an extreme example but it was the one that best illustrated my point.

To know me you have to be there, to care, to check in and to genuinely be in my life. As I get older my friend pool becomes smaller and I learn some people I thought would be in my life forever are not. And people who I didn’t think would last have. It’s weird. Friendship is a weird thing.

If you’re a pop in and pop out kind of friend, if you can’t pass the test but still care then to me you’re an acquaintance. I don’t have the energy to chase people anymore.

I’m not mad though, I’m glad I’ve learnt this lesson now. When I was in Secondary School I tried very hard to hang on to friendships and people and it caused them problems and me problems. I’ve since learned to let go, it’s hard and sad but sometimes it’s very necessary.

That’s enough of my ramblings, what is friendship to you? Do you agree or no?

Comment below 🙂

 

Ps: found a quote that best fit what I was trying to say