Sometimes I dislike being an empath.
So I wrote the title to this blog post a while back and sometimes when I do that without writing what I want the post to be about I forget. And so I’ve had times where I look at a title and think, “What in the world did I want to write?” This time though I remembered straight away.
I don’t feel as drained as I did when I wrote the title in my notes and I think that’s a good thing. This post will be less emotional.
So yeah being an empath can be exhausting. It can be exhausting because sometimes people are leeches and that’s no fun. You know people who come to you because they know you’re good with emotions and can help them out and sooth them and sometimes take on their troubles.
I don’t mind helping people but I don’t like it when people take advantage. Luckily for me however this has rarely happened.
My biggest enemy at the moment is me. In the sense of I don’t know how to turn it off! That’s the problem I face.
Sometimes I avoid the news or just reading anything that will trigger me because once I’m engaged I’m engaged. And it’s like I take on the emotions and carry them myself and I get exhausted and it’s like, “What are you doing Gift?”
And then I try to turn it off but I can’t! And I was getting so frustrated and annoyed about this that I wrote it in my notes fully intending to rant. You’re lucky I forgot.
A YouTuber Starpuppy also talked about this and I sat there like, “Yes girl, yes.”
How did I get over that hump?
I’ve been doing this thing where I turn the internet off at night before I go to bed or when I see myself caring too much about social media. And it’s not Instagram or Twitter that gets to me but WhatsApp. I hate it when I put in the effort to talk to someone and get nothing back. This isn’t really an empath thing it’s just something that bothers me. So when I notice myself getting bothered I turn off my internet.
I’ve also been doing the things I like more and disciplining myself to study language again and to exercise. I don’t know about you but exercising, dancing and languages satisfy my mind and body *soul deep sigh of happiness*.
I was also getting down about the fact that I can’t eat a lot of things now that I’m lactose intolerant (I think) so I got recipes of the things I love and made lacto free (but not vegan) versions. So I’ve made cupcakes, pizza and recipes that don’t have dairy like hummus and my grandmother’s fritters.
It really has made me feel better and I’ve been feeling less overwhelmed. I still have my moments but I’m handling them better. Because ooh, I was so ready to ask God to turn off my caring emotions.
I also asked myself this question, why do I care? Why do I get so attached?
That’s another thing. I get so attached to people even when I don’t know them. It makes making friends difficult. You’d think it’d be the opposite but no it works against me.
Like I’m shy but once I open up and let you that’s it, you’re in. I’m like the mafia, unless you do something horrendous we’re friends for life. But I noticed people I treasured didn’t treasure me and I noticed late and it really hurt. Or people who I treasured let go of me without telling me why or anything and it was like… wow you’re just going to ghost?
So I had to learn to not give so much of myself away. Also recently I’ve been learning to read the clues. So now I know who my friends are, the ones who love me as much as I love them. And they’re not all people I talk to regularly, some of them I go months without talking to and it’s ok.
But only a special kind of friend can do that. These friends don’t talk for months because their life is genuinely busy. Whereas other friends don’t talk for months because I’m not that important to them.
You know what a useful word is acquaintances (I learned that from Lion King 3). Yes, I learned the difference. Finally Mom after 25 years.
My mom would always be so worried about me. She’d ask me why I was putting so much effort into caring about people and giving to people who didn’t do the same to me. And I was so offended; I’d be like “They’re my friends! I don’t need anything in return” but then now I understand what she was trying to say. Those friends did not care about me, at all. Luckily now I have very good friends who do. I have one who I talk to every day and others whom I talk to once a month.
I also get attached to people I admire. I think this is crazy. Does anyone do this?
This person doesn’t have to uber famous. It could be an awesome naturalista YouTuber and I’ll sit there honestly rooting for them and praying for them if they ask and loving when they succeed.
I laid in my bed thinking, this is not healthy, don’t get attached to celebrities who you think are genuine human beings who deserve happiness.
Honestly at this point I can empathise with anyone. I’m just lucky I have logic and can stop myself from empathising with dangerous people. Thank you God, for logic.
So yeah, can you relate or nah?
I am getting better as I said and so I feel better as of right now on the 22nd of July when I’m writing this.
What are your thoughts on this matter?